Sunday, 13 November 2011

Figurehead

inspired by the deep sea, weeds, mermaids and figureheads. I think I doodled it at work in a spare few minutes while I was bored.
I have had a horrible time struggling through art block since I was a young adult. It was when I began to see the flaws in my drawing, due to a lack of clear teaching at uni, (and my own total inability to organize and focus) and lost confidence. I could be very expressive, but felt ashamed of my lack of precision.

I have always kept drawing, it's something absolutely vital to my sense of who I am and to express myself, but it's a ghastly struggle a lot of the time, plus I have pretty limited psychological energy at the best of times.

Ironically, this coiling upon yourself is not great for precision. You need to be calm if not happy when drawing, and even making a mark seemed fraught with tension for me after a certain point. Fellow blogger Kirsty once told me of an interesting experiment once conducted: a group of students were split up- one instructed to produce a perfect work of art, the other to produce lots. The latter group produced the best work- the perfectionists struggled and struggled, completely tense, and produced barely any work, which ended up stiff anyway.

I am trying to loosen up my drawing muscles by working more regularly, but with less harsh expectations, but it is difficult to squash that inner voice which damns but does not help. Friends always tell me I am creative, but if they could see how frustrated I am with my slowness and the grinding difficulty of letting myself make ugly mistakes, I wonder what they would think.

Anyway, I quite like Leroy's blog post in which she posts up an unfinished work. I have always been paralysed at this point, due to fear of wrecking what's there however basic, and in having to make further decisions. I hate spoiling the original mood of the picture and find it hard to keep in the same headspace to finish it sincerely.

So I thought it might be fun to post up a random doodle to remind myself that the important thing is to keep going, while not taking yourself so manically seriously that you grind to a halt. You can always chuck out mistakes, I guess, or change them. Of course it isn't quite as easy as that!